The untold anxiety (until now) of being a mom

I don't know about many of you, but there are are times when I wonder, "Am I totally screwing up?"  I look at my kids who I cannot seem to get to listen to me, and I wonder what I am doing wrong.  I do not spoil my kids, and I do not give in when they whine.  But somehow they think they do not have to listen to me.  I've tried talking on their level, I've tried yelling, I've tried spanking, I've tried grounding, and time outs.  I worry that I am not doing enough sometimes.  I worry that I am screwing up both of my daughters.  There are times when my kids are so unruly that my friends say something to them.  I welcome this, because I think maybe it will shock my kids into behaving... but I am embarrassed when it happens on a small level.  I don't have the answers.  I have no idea if I am doing things right with my girls, I just hope I am.

There are times when I think I am being too hard on my girls, and I feel like the biggest jerk, and I just wish I could travel into the future to double check that the punishment, or the reprimand I just dolled out was the right one.  So much worry goes into parenting.  I laugh at myself worrying so much, because there are all of these younger people out there having kids and those kids grow up just fine... and without all of this neurosis..  Maybe I am neurotic, maybe I'm odd when it comes to my kids... but my main goals are:

To make two well adjusted human beings
To raise 2 kids who can look back on their childhood with fondness and also for pointers when they have their own children
To instill a good sense of right and wrong, and hone their moral compass
To have two nonjudgmental children who believe in the life liberty and the pursuit of happiness by any person who seeks it.
To raise two intellectually amazing girls who understand the worth of their inner beauty above all outward appearances.
To show them what it means to love, and to be loved... to forgive and be forgiven by those you hold dear, and to be able to tell me when I am truly being overbearing and to trust them just this once ;)

It's a tall order, but I'm trying my hardest to make sure this all happens.