What Divorce Costs

Divorce Costs 
In more ways than one...

Back in March, my marriage, as I knew it ended. Not by anyone else's choosing but my own. If you're scrolling for juicy details on why marriages implode, you're in the wrong place. What you will find is the harsh truth of what happens when you make that choice...

#1 My Children's peace of mind
As a mother, it's in my DNA to protect my children from being hurt. So, when it was me that caused their pain, you can imagine how hard if a pill that was to swallow. They looked at me with different eyes. It was like a dagger through the heart. For, what child can grasp the idea that staying married when there was nothing but resentment and hostility, would cause them more harm in the long run? They can't. So, I deal with that until they are older, more experienced, and wiser. But, one of my children has already expressed disdain for marriage and swears she'll never get married. I've altered their view through my choices. They suffer sadness every day.
#2 My Friends
Friends abandon you. Even those you thought were your nearest and dearest. Apparently divorce means you're required to tell your friends every graphic detail that led to your divorce, or you're considered a liar. If you are faced with this type of friend, let me offer some advice... Forget about them. They are interested for the sake of gossip, and they aren't your real friends. Your life is yours to live and lead, and not for public consumption. You will most likely lose a great deal of friends when going through a divorce. Let them go. If they don't accept you for who you are and if they harbor judgement against you, if they listen to gossip and rumors, if they discuss you amongst themselves, roiling into a shark feeding frenzy, you need to let them go. They serve no purpose in your life now. And let's face it... If you're going through a divorce, do you really need other people's problems at the same time? No. Find better friends.
#3 My Ability to Trust
Nothing can prepare you for the backstabbing betrayal of trust. When it happens, and from someone you'd least expect, it's almost deadly in pain.  You go through every negative emotion in the human spectrum. Going forward from that moment, paranoia takes over. The idea that everyone is out to get you... See the previous section. If you're so-called friends can't give you the time to sort through those feelings, drop them.  Divorce is all)consuming. The mud slinging, manipulating, and general disregard for the rules of war are enough to turn even Mother Teresa into a cynic.
What it GAVE to me

#1 Self Assurance and Confidence
Probably the most unlikely benefit from the divorce process was a sense of self assurance. I didn't crumble. I didn't lay down and die. I didn't fail at surviving on my own.  I got an apartment, holding a job, bought a car, and took care of my kids. I broke my cycle of co-dependency. I learned that I like my own company. I learned I don't need a man to complete me, validate me, or help me in any way. My new relationship is on my terms. Subject to my feelings, and I'm there because I want to be, not out of necessity. I always needed a saviour before. Now, I'm my own saviour. RAWR. GRRRL POWER.
#2 Experience.
I now understand divorce from an adult perspective, not just a child's. My parent's divorce was traumatic, but was necessary. And I hold no ill will toward anyone involved. I also have the opportunity to be a better friend to those in similar circumstances, and not pass judgement. Divorce is also humbling to those who sit atop a high horse of "I'm an infallible human of perfect morality". I know this because I was once that way. 
#3 Love
I know new love on a whole different level. Because I love me. So I can truly allow someone to love me, and I, in turn, them. It will be equal. I appreciate the love of my kids and family that much more. I understand the difference between obsession, lust, co-dependency, and true honest love.
#4 A Second chance
I have a second chance to build the life I deserve and have always wanted, without the drag of a broken person holding me back. I no longer have to be the man and the woman. I no longer have to be the sole provider. I provide because I want to. I can chase dreams without the negative Nancy in the corner. I can be the mother I want to be to my children. I can finally be happy, without having to carry those who want to live in misery.

So you see, Divorce has cost me a lot, but it has also given me so much more. I hope that if you've stumbled on this blog, and are going through a divorce, you understand that with all of the bullshit you're going through... You will come out of it okay, if not better than you were before.