Divorce Costs
In more ways than one...
Back in March, my marriage, as I knew it ended. Not by anyone else's choosing but my own. If you're scrolling for juicy details on why marriages implode, you're in the wrong place. What you will find is the harsh truth of what happens when you make that choice...
#1 My Children's peace of mind
As a mother, it's in my DNA to protect my children from being hurt. So, when it was me that caused their pain, you can imagine how hard if a pill that was to swallow. They looked at me with different eyes. It was like a dagger through the heart. For, what child can grasp the idea that staying married when there was nothing but resentment and hostility, would cause them more harm in the long run? They can't. So, I deal with that until they are older, more experienced, and wiser. But, one of my children has already expressed disdain for marriage and swears she'll never get married. I've altered their view through my choices. They suffer sadness every day.
#2 My Friends
Friends abandon you. Even those you thought were your nearest and dearest. Apparently divorce means you're required to tell your friends every graphic detail that led to your divorce, or you're considered a liar. If you are faced with this type of friend, let me offer some advice... Forget about them. They are interested for the sake of gossip, and they aren't your real friends. Your life is yours to live and lead, and not for public consumption. You will most likely lose a great deal of friends when going through a divorce. Let them go. If they don't accept you for who you are and if they harbor judgement against you, if they listen to gossip and rumors, if they discuss you amongst themselves, roiling into a shark feeding frenzy, you need to let them go. They serve no purpose in your life now. And let's face it... If you're going through a divorce, do you really need other people's problems at the same time? No. Find better friends.
#3 My Ability to Trust
Nothing can prepare you for the backstabbing betrayal of trust. When it happens, and from someone you'd least expect, it's almost deadly in pain. You go through every negative emotion in the human spectrum. Going forward from that moment, paranoia takes over. The idea that everyone is out to get you... See the previous section. If you're so-called friends can't give you the time to sort through those feelings, drop them. Divorce is all)consuming. The mud slinging, manipulating, and general disregard for the rules of war are enough to turn even Mother Teresa into a cynic.
What it GAVE to me
#1 Self Assurance and Confidence
Probably the most unlikely benefit from the divorce process was a sense of self assurance. I didn't crumble. I didn't lay down and die. I didn't fail at surviving on my own. I got an apartment, holding a job, bought a car, and took care of my kids. I broke my cycle of co-dependency. I learned that I like my own company. I learned I don't need a man to complete me, validate me, or help me in any way. My new relationship is on my terms. Subject to my feelings, and I'm there because I want to be, not out of necessity. I always needed a saviour before. Now, I'm my own saviour. RAWR. GRRRL POWER.
#2 Experience.
I now understand divorce from an adult perspective, not just a child's. My parent's divorce was traumatic, but was necessary. And I hold no ill will toward anyone involved. I also have the opportunity to be a better friend to those in similar circumstances, and not pass judgement. Divorce is also humbling to those who sit atop a high horse of "I'm an infallible human of perfect morality". I know this because I was once that way.
#3 Love
I know new love on a whole different level. Because I love me. So I can truly allow someone to love me, and I, in turn, them. It will be equal. I appreciate the love of my kids and family that much more. I understand the difference between obsession, lust, co-dependency, and true honest love.
#4 A Second chance
I have a second chance to build the life I deserve and have always wanted, without the drag of a broken person holding me back. I no longer have to be the man and the woman. I no longer have to be the sole provider. I provide because I want to. I can chase dreams without the negative Nancy in the corner. I can be the mother I want to be to my children. I can finally be happy, without having to carry those who want to live in misery.
So you see, Divorce has cost me a lot, but it has also given me so much more. I hope that if you've stumbled on this blog, and are going through a divorce, you understand that with all of the bullshit you're going through... You will come out of it okay, if not better than you were before.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Monday, June 1, 2015
5 Things Every Newly Single Mom Should Know
5 Things a newly single mom should know...
#1 You can survive.
never let your personal fears or self doubt cloud your path. Never lived on your own? Not sure you can support yourself let alone your kids? Yes you can. And I cannot express how much you need to believe that. Belief begets action. Action in accordance with your beliefs begets success. I had never lived alone. Never thought I could. But guess what? I did it, and I'm still doing it.
#2 You Will Go through several emotions in minutes.
When you feel like a crazy person because you were crying, then you begin feeling angry, then panic and even 2 seconds of peace before spiraling back into sadness... It's normal. You're completely changing everything you've ever known to be true, routine, and comfortable. It's bound to wreak havoc in your mind. So give yourself a break, okay?
#3 Be Comfortable with living Outside your comfort zone.
Nothing will be the same. Embrace it. The sooner you do, the less pain and panic. You won't see the same people you used to. You won't go the same places. You won't see your kids every day. And the person you were with will become a stranger to you. Life is totally different now.
#4 You will lose friends and family
Inlaws aren't in your orbit any longer. And honestly, they shouldn't be. Everyone needs time to adjust and heal, especially if you're in the separation stage. Imagine how awkward it feels to them too, and give them space. Mutual friends will feel divided and some will choose sides. The best thing you can do, is not take it personally. People will come in and out of your life. Take this as a sign and blessing that they've run their course and you've learned what you were supposed to learn from them.
#5 CHANGE IS GOOD
Contrary to what your gut says, and how scary everything may seem...
From rent, to dating, to sleeping alone, you are officially taking care of yourself. You will surprise yourself every day with just how badass you are. Embrace the newly single you. And tell yourself you love yourself every day.
Divorces are ugly, painful, scary, traumatic, and expensive. BUT, they are temporary in duration, and the sooner you make peace with the above 5 Things... The sooner life becomes easier. A very wise man once told me, "You can't choose your battles, you can only choose how to react to them".
I'm currently 3 months into my separation, and as terrified as I may have been in the beginning, I'm getting more comfortable with my situation every day. Things that almost scared me into staying, I've crushed. I've blasted through the fear. I chose to take the high road. I chose to never sit and feel sorry for myself amidst the legal battles. I choose to live and show my daughter's that they only need to rely on themselves to make it in this world. YOU CAN TOO.
Follow me on Twitter @LisaKingslayer
Friend me on Facebook www.Facebook.com/Lisa.kingslayer
#1 You can survive.
never let your personal fears or self doubt cloud your path. Never lived on your own? Not sure you can support yourself let alone your kids? Yes you can. And I cannot express how much you need to believe that. Belief begets action. Action in accordance with your beliefs begets success. I had never lived alone. Never thought I could. But guess what? I did it, and I'm still doing it.
#2 You Will Go through several emotions in minutes.
When you feel like a crazy person because you were crying, then you begin feeling angry, then panic and even 2 seconds of peace before spiraling back into sadness... It's normal. You're completely changing everything you've ever known to be true, routine, and comfortable. It's bound to wreak havoc in your mind. So give yourself a break, okay?
#3 Be Comfortable with living Outside your comfort zone.
Nothing will be the same. Embrace it. The sooner you do, the less pain and panic. You won't see the same people you used to. You won't go the same places. You won't see your kids every day. And the person you were with will become a stranger to you. Life is totally different now.
#4 You will lose friends and family
Inlaws aren't in your orbit any longer. And honestly, they shouldn't be. Everyone needs time to adjust and heal, especially if you're in the separation stage. Imagine how awkward it feels to them too, and give them space. Mutual friends will feel divided and some will choose sides. The best thing you can do, is not take it personally. People will come in and out of your life. Take this as a sign and blessing that they've run their course and you've learned what you were supposed to learn from them.
#5 CHANGE IS GOOD
Contrary to what your gut says, and how scary everything may seem...
From rent, to dating, to sleeping alone, you are officially taking care of yourself. You will surprise yourself every day with just how badass you are. Embrace the newly single you. And tell yourself you love yourself every day.
Divorces are ugly, painful, scary, traumatic, and expensive. BUT, they are temporary in duration, and the sooner you make peace with the above 5 Things... The sooner life becomes easier. A very wise man once told me, "You can't choose your battles, you can only choose how to react to them".
I'm currently 3 months into my separation, and as terrified as I may have been in the beginning, I'm getting more comfortable with my situation every day. Things that almost scared me into staying, I've crushed. I've blasted through the fear. I chose to take the high road. I chose to never sit and feel sorry for myself amidst the legal battles. I choose to live and show my daughter's that they only need to rely on themselves to make it in this world. YOU CAN TOO.
Follow me on Twitter @LisaKingslayer
Friend me on Facebook www.Facebook.com/Lisa.kingslayer
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Separation and Divorce- A Journey
Sunday, February 1, 2015 I made a decision that will change my life forever. I asked for a divorce from my husband of 10 years. He and I have been together since December of 1999. I confessed my like for him via AOL instant messenger at midnight Y2k on my eMachine desktop computer while my abusive (now ex) slept in the other room. I remember that like it was yesterday. So why the hell would I ask for a divorce? There is no simple answer to that. One thing I will say is that we just aren't in the same place, and we haven't been for a long time. So here is where I'm going to try to work out how I feel, and what happens during this whole seemingly insurmountable task of separation and divorce.
When we started our relationship back in January 2000, I was with a man who beat me on a daily basis. Charles Spencer May Jr. I will never forget that name nor that face. It's etched into my brain as "NEVER AGAIN". I was impregnated by him, aborted the pregnancy, and took a beating every day thereafter in retaliation. I was 16 when I started dating Charles, and he had lied about his age. I found out that he was 11 years my elder. Charles was poison, and destroyed my self esteem as well as my contact with family. I was utterly broken, and truly believed that no one would every want me, and no one would ever love me. Donnie changed that. It was love at first sight. I remember the day I met him like it was yesterday.
It seems though that all of those memories are from someone else's life, because I cannot for the life of me, reconcile how I feel now, with how I felt then. I know those feelings. I know them, I remember them, but they are not here with me in this moment. When I saw him, for the first time it was like the heavens were shining down a beam of light to show me that he was the man I was supposed to be with. And I was happy with him. I didn't care about the wheelchair. I never thought about it. It was something people used to say, "Oh that says a lot about you". I don't think it said anything about me. It said something about him. He didn't let it rule his world. Or at least he pretended it didn't.
Donnie and I were both broken people back then. I was broken emotionally and mentally and he was broken physically. We both worked at reassembling our pieces, but neither of us was ever really as pristine as we were before our traumas. But for us, that was okay. Because we were imperfect together and we accepted each other wholeheartedly and without judgement. Donnie and I had something innocent and beautiful.
I remember being asked several times if this is the life I wanted. And I bold faced told anyone who asked that of me, the same thing... YES, I love him, and that is all that matters. And it was true, and I believed it with my entire being. But that doesn't last forever. At 19, you have no idea... no concept of "forever". And I was clearly and proudly showing that to the world. Through the years, he showed me just how much his disability DID rule him, his thoughts, and his actions. I broke through the bullshit, only to find what I was not expecting. A very damaged human being who needed to find himself... And with me, he wouldn't because I would continue to enable his self limiting behavior. I care too much about his feelings to hurt him. I care too much to allow him to just exist and not live. He deserves someone who simply accepts him, but pushes him to grander heights. I am not that person.
All of these things have become unbearably apparent. Suffice it to say that I am too much a motherly fixer-type personality and he is too complacent to change unless forced to do so.
So with that being said... we move forward, amicably as two people who simply should not be together anymore. I was there when we both needed each other so deeply. And now we aren't so broken. So it is time for the true love of his life to show up. I bow out gracefully and say Goodbye.
Throughout this series, I am hoping it will help at least one other person out there.
Currently, this is what I know:
Friend Lisa on Facebook
When we started our relationship back in January 2000, I was with a man who beat me on a daily basis. Charles Spencer May Jr. I will never forget that name nor that face. It's etched into my brain as "NEVER AGAIN". I was impregnated by him, aborted the pregnancy, and took a beating every day thereafter in retaliation. I was 16 when I started dating Charles, and he had lied about his age. I found out that he was 11 years my elder. Charles was poison, and destroyed my self esteem as well as my contact with family. I was utterly broken, and truly believed that no one would every want me, and no one would ever love me. Donnie changed that. It was love at first sight. I remember the day I met him like it was yesterday.
It seems though that all of those memories are from someone else's life, because I cannot for the life of me, reconcile how I feel now, with how I felt then. I know those feelings. I know them, I remember them, but they are not here with me in this moment. When I saw him, for the first time it was like the heavens were shining down a beam of light to show me that he was the man I was supposed to be with. And I was happy with him. I didn't care about the wheelchair. I never thought about it. It was something people used to say, "Oh that says a lot about you". I don't think it said anything about me. It said something about him. He didn't let it rule his world. Or at least he pretended it didn't.
Donnie and I were both broken people back then. I was broken emotionally and mentally and he was broken physically. We both worked at reassembling our pieces, but neither of us was ever really as pristine as we were before our traumas. But for us, that was okay. Because we were imperfect together and we accepted each other wholeheartedly and without judgement. Donnie and I had something innocent and beautiful.
I remember being asked several times if this is the life I wanted. And I bold faced told anyone who asked that of me, the same thing... YES, I love him, and that is all that matters. And it was true, and I believed it with my entire being. But that doesn't last forever. At 19, you have no idea... no concept of "forever". And I was clearly and proudly showing that to the world. Through the years, he showed me just how much his disability DID rule him, his thoughts, and his actions. I broke through the bullshit, only to find what I was not expecting. A very damaged human being who needed to find himself... And with me, he wouldn't because I would continue to enable his self limiting behavior. I care too much about his feelings to hurt him. I care too much to allow him to just exist and not live. He deserves someone who simply accepts him, but pushes him to grander heights. I am not that person.
All of these things have become unbearably apparent. Suffice it to say that I am too much a motherly fixer-type personality and he is too complacent to change unless forced to do so.
So with that being said... we move forward, amicably as two people who simply should not be together anymore. I was there when we both needed each other so deeply. And now we aren't so broken. So it is time for the true love of his life to show up. I bow out gracefully and say Goodbye.
Throughout this series, I am hoping it will help at least one other person out there.
Currently, this is what I know:
- This will be the first time I will be living on my own
- Our kids are going to be devastated
- I have to be on assistance for now
- I am not a bad person for wanting the things that other people take for granted every day
- I want to be my own person, self sufficient and show my daughters that they can be independent
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Thursday, August 21, 2014
How To Get Your 5 yr Old To Sleep At Night
Guess what? Being a parent is awesome, but there are times when your little darlings want NOTHING to do with bed time. Stunner, I know! Some magical things happen at night, and they cannot miss out! There has to be a reason that adults stay up later right? Yes, darling... it is called SANITY.
If you are like me, you probably use those precious couple of hours to catch up on all of your to-do's. Maybe you workout. Maybe you watch your favorite television show is PEACE for a change (No, sweetie, I have no freaking idea what is going on in this show. Their plane crashed, and someone is kidnapping them, and now they are friends, but not anymore, and someone drowned, and the island is mystical. SHHHHH!). Who knows? But what I do know, is that if I do not get that time to myself, I get really pissy. So, last weekend while my sister was in town my children were giving me a load of crap about not being able to sleep. They were itchy, they weren't feeling well, they were hot, they were cold, the light wasn't bright enough, the story wasn't long enough, and on and on and on....
So, I said, "I have a magic potion that I can brew that will help put you to sleep and take away the itchies. Would you like to try it?" They both got really excited. So I said... "okay, but you have to give me some time to brew it. You have to stay in your room or the magic won't work, okay?" Side note parents: this part got them to stay put in their bed and begin the process of winding down. One last question was asked before I left, and that was, "What's the potion called momma?" To which I answered (after about 1 minute), "Placebo". The ooooooohs that followed made me laugh to myself as I walked back down the hall to the kitchen. I almost cackled for them.
I put the kettle on, and pulled out a green tea bag. Placed the tea into a measuring cup and tossed in some loose chamomile flowers. I steeped the tea and the flowers, strained the mixture and added a bit of raw honey. Drank 1/2 a glass of wine (my personal potion heheh).
To make the magical effect even more powerful, I brought a dropper along with me. A medicine dropper or a small bottle that looks like a potion bottle works well I am sure. I told them that it was very powerful, and that they must lay down immediately after they've taken the potion, because staying awake too long may cause side effects.
They both nodded earnestly, and opened their mouths, then said, "WAIT! What about a magic spell?" CRAP! Now they wanted a spell. LOL. So I made one up. Feel free to use it for your kids.
"By Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, potion help me heal my daughters. With a gulp and a swallow, sleep is soon to follow. No more itchies, no more aches, The sooner to sleep, the sooner to wake."
Yep, I rule! :) But seriously, they went to bed and did not get back up till about 7 AM which is late for them. Mission accomplished.
Disclaimer: always consult your pediatrician before administering honey and chamomile to your children.
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If you are like me, you probably use those precious couple of hours to catch up on all of your to-do's. Maybe you workout. Maybe you watch your favorite television show is PEACE for a change (No, sweetie, I have no freaking idea what is going on in this show. Their plane crashed, and someone is kidnapping them, and now they are friends, but not anymore, and someone drowned, and the island is mystical. SHHHHH!). Who knows? But what I do know, is that if I do not get that time to myself, I get really pissy. So, last weekend while my sister was in town my children were giving me a load of crap about not being able to sleep. They were itchy, they weren't feeling well, they were hot, they were cold, the light wasn't bright enough, the story wasn't long enough, and on and on and on....
I put the kettle on, and pulled out a green tea bag. Placed the tea into a measuring cup and tossed in some loose chamomile flowers. I steeped the tea and the flowers, strained the mixture and added a bit of raw honey. Drank 1/2 a glass of wine (my personal potion heheh).
To make the magical effect even more powerful, I brought a dropper along with me. A medicine dropper or a small bottle that looks like a potion bottle works well I am sure. I told them that it was very powerful, and that they must lay down immediately after they've taken the potion, because staying awake too long may cause side effects.
They both nodded earnestly, and opened their mouths, then said, "WAIT! What about a magic spell?" CRAP! Now they wanted a spell. LOL. So I made one up. Feel free to use it for your kids.
"By Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, potion help me heal my daughters. With a gulp and a swallow, sleep is soon to follow. No more itchies, no more aches, The sooner to sleep, the sooner to wake."
Yep, I rule! :) But seriously, they went to bed and did not get back up till about 7 AM which is late for them. Mission accomplished.
Disclaimer: always consult your pediatrician before administering honey and chamomile to your children.
Like what you read here? Why not subscribe? Friend me on Facebook , Follow me on Twitter , Check out my YouTube Channel.
Friday, August 1, 2014
If My Running Shoes Could Talk...
I am not an amazing elite qualifying runner. I am a mom of twins, a wife, and I work 2 businesses and up until June 2014 I also worked a full time job. But this is not my story. This is the story of my running shoes 2011 - 2013, and what they would say if they could speak.
August 2011
Wow! Thanks for buying me. Kohl's is cool and all, but ya know, why be a shoe if no one is gonna stick me on their foot right??
September 2011
There are a lot of people here! And look, it's the little girl, Isabella! Cool, we're taking the kids to meet her. Hey, look! It's that dude from the radio station, Chris Wilcox. HI CHRIS! Whew, I hope we can handle this! First time running, and you wanna push a double stroller and your husband in his wheelchair?
What are you nuts? Thank you to that nice lady who helped push one or the other during that run.... and oh great! It is raining. Oh man! This is bad. WOOHOO! You finished! Hey... are you okay? You look like you're gonna have a stroke!
October - December 2011
Hey, ya know... it's kinda dark in here. I get the feeling you don't remember me. (Sigh) I thought you were kidding when you said you'd only run for kid's charities and to save your life. I guess not.
January 2012
Hey spider! We can be friends. You can just crawl in here. Hey, do you have any friends? Tell them to come on over. We have plenty of room. Maybe you can take messages to the outside for me.
February 2012
THE LIGHT!! IT BURNS! IT'S TERRIBLE!! What are you doing to me? Where are we going. I don't understand. Your feet are too little to use me properly! Stop it! Oh dear God please help me! The kids have me on their feet!
March 2012
I'm here! Under the bed! I hear you calling for me! Please, in here. There are so many toys. Please, save me.... YES!!!!!!!! Where are we going? Oh, sorry about that spider in there... he's been dead a while though. No need to scream again. No, there isn't anything in this one. We got lonely okay???
Ahhhh, we're still comfortable right? Wow! Look at all the Green! And the baked goodies. Okay, you have those headphones in. This is promising. Although, maybe you should be wearing some wicking fabric rather than cotton. Oh well,off we go! Well, I don't know what you expect? You haven't taken us out in months. You weren't training. Did you think you'd finish in under 30 minutes or something? LOL Oh hey, someone just crashed through the front of the house!
April 2012 - June 2012
Awesome, Back in the closet again. Wow! This Disney Place is awesome! I'm walkin, I'm walking, wooo! Dammit, back in the closet? REALLY?!?
July 2012
Les Mills PUMP huh? Okay. At least I'm out of solitary.
August 2012- October 2012
Hey, you lost a lot of weight! You should go running now!
YAY!! It's the ISF Run again. No kids this time huh? Good call. Oh, I like the sound of that Les Mills COMBAT. Kicking sounds like fun!
November 2012- March 2013
I like all this jumping and kicking, but I'm starting to feel a little warn out. I don't know if you want to run in me any more.
April 2013
A 5k huh? Are you sure? There isn't much support in me anymore. Okay, but you're gonna regret it! At least you met a new running buddy ... Jenn is it? Cool
May 2013
What is this one called? Hip Hop Abs. Okay! Dancing, sounds cool~ And Brazil Butt Lift huh?
June 2013
Wait.. Did you say Vegas??? YESSSSSSSSS!
Do we get to meet Shaun T? And Rach and Dan from Combat? And Joel? And Jericho?? OMG! This is awesome. Woo!! 7000 people working out together? This is awesome!
July 2013
Hey, how about that Summit thing. It's all good, I understand. I'm not supportive enough for running anymore. It's time for you to find better shoes. Just don't forget me okay? Take me out once in a while.
August 2013-September 2013 Neon Pink and Black Fila's.... meet the beginning of my running hobby.
Saucony is now my shoe of choice, and I am now training for a full marathon with only 1 half under my belt, but I have run half marathon distance many times. I cannot believe a 5k used to kill me. Anyone can become a runner!
August 2011
Wow! Thanks for buying me. Kohl's is cool and all, but ya know, why be a shoe if no one is gonna stick me on their foot right??
September 2011
There are a lot of people here! And look, it's the little girl, Isabella! Cool, we're taking the kids to meet her. Hey, look! It's that dude from the radio station, Chris Wilcox. HI CHRIS! Whew, I hope we can handle this! First time running, and you wanna push a double stroller and your husband in his wheelchair?
October - December 2011
Hey, ya know... it's kinda dark in here. I get the feeling you don't remember me. (Sigh) I thought you were kidding when you said you'd only run for kid's charities and to save your life. I guess not.
January 2012
February 2012
THE LIGHT!! IT BURNS! IT'S TERRIBLE!! What are you doing to me? Where are we going. I don't understand. Your feet are too little to use me properly! Stop it! Oh dear God please help me! The kids have me on their feet!
March 2012
I'm here! Under the bed! I hear you calling for me! Please, in here. There are so many toys. Please, save me.... YES!!!!!!!! Where are we going? Oh, sorry about that spider in there... he's been dead a while though. No need to scream again. No, there isn't anything in this one. We got lonely okay???
April 2012 - June 2012
Awesome, Back in the closet again. Wow! This Disney Place is awesome! I'm walkin, I'm walking, wooo! Dammit, back in the closet? REALLY?!?
July 2012
Les Mills PUMP huh? Okay. At least I'm out of solitary.
August 2012- October 2012
Hey, you lost a lot of weight! You should go running now!
November 2012- March 2013
I like all this jumping and kicking, but I'm starting to feel a little warn out. I don't know if you want to run in me any more.
April 2013
A 5k huh? Are you sure? There isn't much support in me anymore. Okay, but you're gonna regret it! At least you met a new running buddy ... Jenn is it? Cool
May 2013
What is this one called? Hip Hop Abs. Okay! Dancing, sounds cool~ And Brazil Butt Lift huh?
June 2013
Wait.. Did you say Vegas??? YESSSSSSSSS!
July 2013
Hey, how about that Summit thing. It's all good, I understand. I'm not supportive enough for running anymore. It's time for you to find better shoes. Just don't forget me okay? Take me out once in a while.
August 2013-September 2013 Neon Pink and Black Fila's.... meet the beginning of my running hobby.
Saucony is now my shoe of choice, and I am now training for a full marathon with only 1 half under my belt, but I have run half marathon distance many times. I cannot believe a 5k used to kill me. Anyone can become a runner!
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
How Your Feet Can Cause Back Pain
One of the more common postural distortions is called,
“Stooped Posture”.
Neuromuscular Therapy or, NMT, is a wonderful mode of
Massage that aides the body in correcting its posture. Basically, through targeting specific areas
that are causing the postural distortion, NMT loosens the muscles and surrounding
tissues, so that the body can move itself back into its proper alignment.
Almost every person has something they could improve upon in
their posture. Such distortions can
occur for a number of reasons such as the type of work they do, exercising
improperly, non-ergonomic work stations (i.e.: computer desk/chair heights and
angles) and even our emotions. Emotions
can cause us to distort our posture.
Such as, when we are nervous or sad, most people hold their arms around
their stomach and curl inward. Over
time, without realizing this, their bodies become “locked” into this new
posture. Any of the above named factors
can cause the body to “lock” into a postural distortion. What results from this is a number of counter
balancing acts throughout the body.
The human body is set up in such a way to allow for it to
move through gravity with the least resistance and proper balance. If one side of the body is pushed forward,
then the other side must move back to balance the body out. Think of the body like a set of building
blocks.
You will find that a number of muscles contribute to locking
the body into a “Stooped Position”.
We're going to focus on the torso and down. Muscles from the foot, ankle and the hamstrings of the
thigh will pull together causing the knees to bend forward and the foot to be
in a constant plantar-flexed position (standing on tip-toes).
What we will find happens when the muscles on one side of
the leg are constantly flexed; the other side is over lengthened. When a muscle stretches too far, it becomes
weak, and therefore painful. So what
will need to take place in this instance is that the locked down muscles in the
back of the leg need to be released, so to allow the muscles on the front of
the leg to heal and return to a neutral length.
Tight hamstrings will pull on the pelvis, causing it to tilt
to the rear of the body. Once this
occurs, the lower (Lumbar) spine (as seen below) will lose its natural curve,
and could result in compression of the discs that lie between the vertebrae. The entire spine can eventually straighten,
losing its flexibility and stiffening.
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About the Author:
Lisa Rebaglia is a married mother of twin girls. Her husband is a T 12 paraplegic, and is the reason she became a massage therapist in 2008. She is a Licensed Massage Therapist in North Carolina #07809. She is skilled in Neuromuscular Massage Therapy, Swedish, Reiki, Thai, Hot Stone, Chair, and Sports Massage. Lisa takes an all-encompassing approach to massage, incorporating fitness, proper nutrition, and massage to allow the body to heal itself. You can follow Lisa on Facebook, Check out her Company Facebook here, Follow on Twitter.Wednesday, July 23, 2014
3 Tips for Moms of Twins Shopping for Kindergarten
Chances are that you think you are ready for Kindergarten. You've been thinking about getting your twins prepared academically and maybe even emotionally.. but you haven't received the dreaded SUPPLIES LIST!!
Okay, first thing, when you see it, do NOT panic! Well, panic a little because we know all of this crap on the list is for ONE child, and we have 2! Nothing like knowing you are about to drop half of your paycheck at the local Target or Walmart :) So I am here to take a little load off of you and make you laugh too.
Tip #1: Look online at which store not only carries everything your children's new pretentious teacher has listed, but also has the best price for said items. This is going to save you time and money, and headache. No one wants to be strolling around a store searching in vain for the "Primary Composition Journal" whilst the twins begin to smack one another inside the fabulous double seated red cart. Especially when that fighting then knocks over the over priced but oh-so-delicious Skinny Hazlenut-accino you JUST ordered.
And what the hell is a Super Slider? And they seriously need 2 bottles of glue PLUS a 3 pack of jumbo glue sticks??? Really? I'm not droppin store names but <cough> Target<cough>.. did not have many of the things I needed on this god-forsaken list.... go get another awesome coffee.
Tip #2:
Try not to curse and say terrible things about the teacher who set forth the list as you scour the pencil section for those stupid fat pencils that your children haven't used in a year because you have been training them with normal sized pencils owing to the fact that they are easier to find AND THEY ARE NORMAL! The last thing you want are your children walking into school on the first day of Kindergarten saying, "Hello Ms. Smith! Our mommy says you are pretentious and need to understand that generic is just as good as Elmer's glue, and that if there is some sort of socialist movement happening in the classroom where the supplies she is buying are being shared, she is gonna cut somebody." Nope, we don't want that.
Tip #3: Provide choices for your kids where you can, and where it is monetarily acceptable. For instance, Backpacks/Book bags... let them choose one out of a group that you deem acceptable. They are the ones who have to carry this thing around all year long... so let them have a say in what they are carrying okay? Choose your battles, and they will be THRILLED that you let them choose this one. Another area to allow choice might be lunch bags, or pencil cases. I know mine are thrilled with their Monster High and Ever After High bags!
In the end, what really sucks is when you know full well that even though you are paying taxes to support the schools, and your local "Education Lottery" is also funding the schools... you will have to provide things like Copy paper. And you will wonder, if the teachers' salaries are the lowest in the country, and you are paying your taxes, and there is a lottery whose funds go to the education fund, why on earth are you having to supply them with copy paper (both plain and colored), paper towels, plates, Ziploc bags and on and on?
So I will give you a bonus tip:
BONUS TIP: Unless you are willing and ready to start a crusade that you will most likely end up losing whilst making your child suffer socially, just let it go... chalk it up to one of life's suck-ass moments, and move on. Pop a cork off of your favorite red wine, and raise your glass to no more Child Care costs, a chance to get real work done during the day (SAHMs and Working moms), and enjoy the rest of your summer. Your kids are growing up, and the time with them is precious and short... so even in those moments when you want to tear your damn hair out... and maybe even theirs.. just remember that you love them, they love you, and everything is gonna be just fine.
Cheers! ~Lisa
Follow me on Twitter ~ Friend me on Facebook ~ Watch me on YouTube
Okay, first thing, when you see it, do NOT panic! Well, panic a little because we know all of this crap on the list is for ONE child, and we have 2! Nothing like knowing you are about to drop half of your paycheck at the local Target or Walmart :) So I am here to take a little load off of you and make you laugh too.
Tip #1: Look online at which store not only carries everything your children's new pretentious teacher has listed, but also has the best price for said items. This is going to save you time and money, and headache. No one wants to be strolling around a store searching in vain for the "Primary Composition Journal" whilst the twins begin to smack one another inside the fabulous double seated red cart. Especially when that fighting then knocks over the over priced but oh-so-delicious Skinny Hazlenut-accino you JUST ordered.
Tip #2:
In the end, what really sucks is when you know full well that even though you are paying taxes to support the schools, and your local "Education Lottery" is also funding the schools... you will have to provide things like Copy paper. And you will wonder, if the teachers' salaries are the lowest in the country, and you are paying your taxes, and there is a lottery whose funds go to the education fund, why on earth are you having to supply them with copy paper (both plain and colored), paper towels, plates, Ziploc bags and on and on?
So I will give you a bonus tip:
BONUS TIP: Unless you are willing and ready to start a crusade that you will most likely end up losing whilst making your child suffer socially, just let it go... chalk it up to one of life's suck-ass moments, and move on. Pop a cork off of your favorite red wine, and raise your glass to no more Child Care costs, a chance to get real work done during the day (SAHMs and Working moms), and enjoy the rest of your summer. Your kids are growing up, and the time with them is precious and short... so even in those moments when you want to tear your damn hair out... and maybe even theirs.. just remember that you love them, they love you, and everything is gonna be just fine.
Cheers! ~Lisa
Follow me on Twitter ~ Friend me on Facebook ~ Watch me on YouTube
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