Separation and Divorce- A Journey

Sunday, February 1, 2015 I made a decision that will change my life forever. I asked for a divorce from my husband of 10 years.  He and I have been together since December of 1999. I confessed my like for him via AOL instant messenger at midnight Y2k on my eMachine desktop computer while my abusive (now ex) slept in the other room.  I remember that like it was yesterday.  So why the hell would I ask for a divorce?  There is no simple answer to that.  One thing I will say is that we just aren't in the same place, and we haven't been for a long time.  So here is where I'm going to try to work out how I feel, and what happens during this whole seemingly insurmountable task of separation and divorce.

When we started our relationship back in January 2000, I was with a man who beat me on a daily basis.  Charles Spencer May Jr.  I will never forget that name nor that face. It's etched into my brain as "NEVER AGAIN".  I was impregnated by him, aborted the pregnancy, and took a beating every day thereafter in retaliation.  I was 16 when I started dating Charles, and he had lied about his age.  I found out that he was 11 years my elder. Charles was poison, and destroyed my self esteem as well as my contact with family.  I was utterly broken, and truly believed that no one would every want me, and no one would ever love me.  Donnie changed that.  It was love at first sight.  I remember the day I met him like it was yesterday.

It seems though that all of those memories are from someone else's life, because I cannot for the life of me, reconcile how I feel now, with how I felt then.  I know those feelings. I know them, I remember them, but they are not here with me in this moment.  When I saw him, for the first time it was like the heavens were shining down a beam of light to show me that he was the man I was supposed to be with.  And I was happy with him.  I didn't care about the wheelchair.  I never thought about it.  It was something people used to say, "Oh that says a lot about you".  I don't think it said anything about me. It said something about him.  He didn't let it rule his world.  Or at least he pretended it didn't.

Donnie and I were both broken people back then. I was broken emotionally and mentally and he was broken physically.  We both worked at reassembling our pieces, but neither of us was ever really as pristine as we were before our traumas. But for us, that was okay. Because we were imperfect together and we accepted each other wholeheartedly and without judgement.  Donnie and I had something innocent and beautiful.  

I remember being asked several times if this is the life I wanted. And I bold faced told anyone who asked that of me, the same thing... YES, I love him, and that is all that matters.  And it was true, and I believed it with my entire being.  But that doesn't last forever.  At 19, you have no idea... no concept of "forever".  And I was clearly and proudly showing that to the world.  Through the years, he showed me just how much his disability DID rule him, his thoughts, and his actions.  I broke through the bullshit, only to find what I was not expecting.  A very damaged human being who needed to find himself...  And with me, he wouldn't because I would continue to enable his self limiting behavior.  I care too much about his feelings to hurt him. I care too much to allow him to just exist and not live.  He deserves someone who simply accepts him, but pushes him to grander heights. I am not that person.

All of these things have become unbearably apparent.  Suffice it to say that I am too much a motherly fixer-type personality and he is too complacent to change unless forced to do so.
So with that being said... we move forward, amicably as two people who simply should not be together anymore.  I was there when we both needed each other so deeply. And now we aren't so broken. So it is time for the true love of his life to show up. I bow out gracefully and say Goodbye.

Throughout this series, I am hoping it will help at least one other person out there.

Currently, this is what I know:

• This will be the first time I will be living on my own
• Our kids are going to be devastated
• I have to be on assistance for now
• I am not a bad person for wanting the things that other people take for granted every day
• I want to be my own person, self sufficient and show my daughters that they can be independent

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How To Get Your 5 yr Old To Sleep At Night

Guess what? Being a parent is awesome, but there are times when your little darlings want NOTHING to do with bed time. Stunner, I know! Some magical things happen at night, and they cannot miss out!  There has to be a reason that adults stay up later right?  Yes, darling... it is called SANITY.

If you are like me, you probably use those precious couple of hours to catch up on all of your to-do's.  Maybe you workout.  Maybe you watch your favorite television show is PEACE for a change (No, sweetie, I have no freaking idea what is going on in this show. Their plane crashed, and someone is kidnapping them, and now they are friends, but not anymore, and someone drowned, and the island is mystical.  SHHHHH!).  Who knows?  But what I do know, is that if I do not get that time to myself, I get really pissy.  So, last weekend while my sister was in town my children were giving me a load of crap about not being able to sleep. They were itchy, they weren't feeling well, they were hot, they were cold, the light wasn't bright enough, the story wasn't long enough, and on and on and on....

So, I said, "I have a magic potion that I can brew that will help put you to sleep and take away the itchies.  Would you like to try it?"  They both got really excited.  So I said... "okay, but you have to give me some time to brew it.  You have to stay in your room or the magic won't work, okay?"  Side note parents: this part got them to stay put in their bed and begin the process of winding down.  One last question was asked before I left, and that was, "What's the potion called momma?"  To which I answered (after about 1 minute), "Placebo".  The ooooooohs that followed made me laugh to myself as I walked back down the hall to the kitchen.  I almost cackled for them.


I put the kettle on, and pulled out a green tea bag.  Placed the tea into a measuring cup and tossed in some loose chamomile flowers. I steeped the tea and the flowers, strained the mixture and added a bit of raw honey. Drank 1/2 a glass of wine (my personal potion heheh).

To make the magical effect even more powerful, I brought a dropper along with me.  A medicine dropper or a small bottle that looks like a potion bottle works well I am sure.  I told them that it was very powerful, and that they must lay down immediately after they've taken the potion, because staying awake too long may cause side effects.

They both nodded earnestly, and opened their mouths, then said, "WAIT!  What about a magic spell?"  CRAP! Now they wanted a spell. LOL.  So I made one up.  Feel free to use it for your kids.

"By Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, potion help me heal my daughters. With a gulp and a swallow, sleep is soon to follow.  No more itchies, no more aches, The sooner to sleep, the sooner to wake."

Yep, I rule!  :)  But seriously, they went to bed and did not get back up till about 7 AM which is late for them.  Mission accomplished.

Disclaimer: always consult your pediatrician before administering honey and chamomile to your children.

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If My Running Shoes Could Talk...

I am not an amazing elite qualifying runner. I am a mom of twins, a wife, and I work 2 businesses and up until June 2014 I also worked a full time job.  But this is not my story. This is the story of my running shoes 2011 - 2013, and what they would say if they could speak.

August 2011
Wow!  Thanks for buying me.  Kohl's is cool and all, but ya know, why be a shoe if no one is gonna stick me on their foot right??

September 2011
There are a lot of people here! And look, it's the little girl, Isabella!  Cool, we're taking the kids to meet her.  Hey, look! It's that dude from the radio station, Chris Wilcox. HI CHRIS!  Whew, I hope we can handle this!  First time running, and you wanna push a double stroller and your husband in his wheelchair?

What are you nuts?  Thank you to that nice lady who helped push one or the other during that run.... and oh great! It is raining.  Oh man!  This is bad.  WOOHOO! You finished!  Hey... are you okay? You look like you're gonna have a stroke!

October - December 2011
Hey, ya know... it's kinda dark in here. I get the feeling you don't remember me.  (Sigh) I thought you were kidding when you said you'd only run for kid's charities and to save your life.  I guess not.

January 2012

Hey spider!  We can be friends.  You can just crawl in here.  Hey, do you have any friends?  Tell them to come on over. We have plenty of room.  Maybe you can take messages to the outside for me.

February 2012
THE LIGHT!! IT BURNS! IT'S TERRIBLE!!  What are you doing to me?  Where are we going. I don't understand.  Your feet are too little to use me properly!  Stop it!  Oh dear God please help me! The kids have me on their feet!

March 2012
I'm here!  Under the bed!  I hear you calling for me!  Please, in here. There are so many toys.  Please, save me....  YES!!!!!!!!  Where are we going?  Oh, sorry about that spider in there... he's been dead a while though.  No need to scream again. No, there isn't anything in this one.  We got lonely okay???

Ahhhh, we're still comfortable right?  Wow! Look at all the Green! And the baked goodies.  Okay, you have those headphones in. This is promising.  Although, maybe you should be wearing some wicking fabric rather than cotton.  Oh well,off we go!  Well, I don't know what you expect? You haven't taken us out in months. You weren't training. Did you think you'd finish in under 30 minutes or something? LOL  Oh hey, someone just crashed through the front of the house!

April 2012 - June 2012
Awesome, Back in the closet again. Wow!  This Disney Place is awesome!  I'm walkin, I'm walking, wooo!  Dammit, back in the closet? REALLY?!?

July 2012
Les Mills PUMP huh?  Okay.  At least I'm out of solitary.

August 2012- October 2012
Hey, you lost a lot of weight!  You should go running now!

YAY!! It's the ISF Run again.  No kids this time huh? Good call.  Oh, I like the sound of that Les Mills COMBAT.  Kicking sounds like fun!

November 2012- March 2013
I like all this jumping and kicking, but I'm starting to feel a little warn out.  I don't know if you want to run in me any more.

April 2013
A 5k huh?  Are you sure? There isn't much support in me anymore.  Okay, but you're gonna regret it!  At least you met a new running buddy ... Jenn is it?  Cool

May 2013  
What is this one called? Hip Hop Abs.  Okay!  Dancing, sounds cool~  And Brazil Butt Lift huh?

June 2013
Wait.. Did you say Vegas???  YESSSSSSSSS!

 Do we get to meet Shaun T?  And Rach and Dan from Combat?  And Joel? And Jericho?? OMG!  This is awesome.  Woo!!  7000 people working out together? This is awesome!

July 2013
Hey, how about that Summit thing.  It's all good, I understand. I'm not supportive enough for running anymore. It's time for you to find better shoes.  Just don't forget me okay? Take me out once in a while.

August 2013-September 2013 Neon Pink and Black Fila's.... meet the beginning of my running hobby.

Saucony is now my shoe of choice, and I am now training for a full marathon with only 1 half under my belt, but I have run half marathon distance many times.  I cannot believe a 5k used to kill me. Anyone can become a runner!

How Your Feet Can Cause Back Pain

One of the more common postural distortions is called, “Stooped Posture”.

This is a general term for a posture that primarily results in a pain that wraps around the lower and mid back but also includes compression of the disks in the lower (or, Lumbar) spine, very tight hamstrings and foot/ankle/knee problems.  In some cases, the head may also need to move forward (due to the abdominals pulling the ribcage downward); causing what is termed “forward head posture”.

Neuromuscular Therapy or, NMT, is a wonderful mode of Massage that aides the body in correcting its posture.  Basically, through targeting specific areas that are causing the postural distortion, NMT loosens the muscles and surrounding tissues, so that the body can move itself back into its proper alignment. 

Almost every person has something they could improve upon in their posture.  Such distortions can occur for a number of reasons such as the type of work they do, exercising improperly, non-ergonomic work stations (i.e.: computer desk/chair heights and angles) and even our emotions.  Emotions can cause us to distort our posture.  Such as, when we are nervous or sad, most people hold their arms around their stomach and curl inward.  Over time, without realizing this, their bodies become “locked” into this new posture.  Any of the above named factors can cause the body to “lock” into a postural distortion.  What results from this is a number of counter balancing acts throughout the body. 

The human body is set up in such a way to allow for it to move through gravity with the least resistance and proper balance.  If one side of the body is pushed forward, then the other side must move back to balance the body out.  Think of the body like a set of building blocks. 

You will find that a number of muscles contribute to locking the body into a “Stooped Position”.  We're going to focus on the torso and down. Muscles from the foot, ankle and the hamstrings of the thigh will pull together causing the knees to bend forward and the foot to be in a constant plantar-flexed position (standing on tip-toes). 

What we will find happens when the muscles on one side of the leg are constantly flexed; the other side is over lengthened.  When a muscle stretches too far, it becomes weak, and therefore painful.  So what will need to take place in this instance is that the locked down muscles in the back of the leg need to be released, so to allow the muscles on the front of the leg to heal and return to a neutral length. 

Tight hamstrings will pull on the pelvis, causing it to tilt to the rear of the body.  Once this occurs, the lower (Lumbar) spine (as seen below) will lose its natural curve, and could result in compression of the discs that lie between the vertebrae. The entire spine can eventually straighten, losing its flexibility and stiffening. 

When this happens, the abdominal muscles are given the chance to shorten and lock into the shortened position.  This over elongates the muscles of the back, just like in the legs.  So, pain will be felt in the back due to the over stretched and weak muscles. The muscle in the center of the abdomen, Rectus Abdominis’ main action is to bend (flex) the body at the waist, so allowing this muscle to tighten down harder than normal will definitely lead to overstretching those back muscles.  Most people will feel a strap-like pain across the low and mid back if the abdominals are involved.

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                                                About the Author:

Lisa Rebaglia is a married mother of twin girls.  Her husband is a T 12 paraplegic, and is the reason she became a massage therapist in 2008.  She is a Licensed Massage Therapist in North Carolina #07809.  She is skilled in Neuromuscular Massage Therapy, Swedish, Reiki, Thai, Hot Stone, Chair, and Sports Massage.  Lisa takes an all-encompassing approach to massage, incorporating fitness, proper nutrition, and massage to allow the body to heal itself.  You can follow Lisa on Facebook, Check out her Company Facebook here, Follow on Twitter.

3 Tips for Moms of Twins Shopping for Kindergarten

Chances are that you think you are ready for Kindergarten. You've been thinking about getting your twins prepared academically and maybe even emotionally.. but you haven't received the dreaded SUPPLIES LIST!!

Okay, first thing, when you see it, do NOT panic!  Well, panic a little because we know all of this crap on the list is for ONE child, and we have 2!  Nothing like knowing you are about to drop half of your paycheck at the local Target or Walmart :)  So I am here to take a little load off of you and make you laugh too.




Tip #1: Look online at which store not only carries everything your children's new pretentious teacher has listed, but also has the best price for said items.  This is going to save you time and money, and headache. No one wants to be strolling around a store searching in vain for the "Primary Composition Journal" whilst the twins begin to smack one another inside the fabulous double seated red cart.  Especially when that fighting then knocks over the over priced but oh-so-delicious Skinny Hazlenut-accino you JUST ordered.

And what the hell is a Super Slider? And they seriously need 2 bottles of glue PLUS a 3 pack of jumbo glue sticks??? Really? I'm not droppin store names but <cough> Target<cough>.. did not have many of the things I needed on this god-forsaken list.... go get another awesome coffee.

Tip #2:

Try not to curse and say terrible things about the teacher who set forth the list as you scour the pencil section for those stupid fat pencils that your children haven't used in a year because you have been training them with normal sized pencils owing to the fact that they are easier to find AND THEY ARE NORMAL!  The last thing you want are your children walking into school on the first day of Kindergarten saying, "Hello Ms. Smith!  Our mommy says you are pretentious and need to understand that generic is just as good as Elmer's glue, and that if there is some sort of socialist movement happening in the classroom where the supplies she is buying are being shared, she is gonna cut somebody."  Nope, we don't want that.

Tip #3: Provide choices for your kids where you can, and where it is monetarily acceptable.  For instance, Backpacks/Book bags... let them choose one out of a group that you deem acceptable.  They are the ones who have to carry this thing around all year long... so let them have a say in what they are carrying okay?  Choose your battles, and they will be THRILLED that you let them choose this one. Another area to allow choice might be lunch bags, or pencil cases.  I know mine are thrilled with their Monster High and Ever After High bags!

In the end, what really sucks is when you know full well that even though you are paying taxes to support the schools, and your local "Education Lottery" is also funding the schools... you will have to provide things like Copy paper.  And you will wonder, if the teachers' salaries are the lowest in the country, and you are paying your taxes, and there is a lottery whose funds go to the education fund, why on earth are you having to supply them with copy paper (both plain and colored), paper towels, plates, Ziploc bags and on and on?

So I will give you a bonus tip:

BONUS TIP:  Unless you are willing and ready to start a crusade that you will most likely end up losing whilst making your child suffer socially, just let it go... chalk it up to one of life's suck-ass moments, and move on.  Pop a cork off of your favorite red wine, and raise your glass to no more Child Care costs, a chance to get real work done during the day (SAHMs and Working moms), and enjoy the rest of your summer.  Your kids are growing up, and the time with them is precious and short... so even in those moments when you want to tear your damn hair out... and maybe even theirs.. just remember that you love them, they love you, and everything is gonna be just fine.

Cheers! ~Lisa
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5 Things They Don't Tell You About Raising Twins (or more)

Moms of multiples, gather round, and no I don't mean moms with 3 or more kids that were born as singletons.  No offense, because you certainly are no slacker, but this is stuff only moms of twins, triplets, quads, and "OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU FIT ALL OF THOSE INSIDE OF YOU" moms would truly understand..

#1 - For the first few months of their lives (if you chose to breastfeed- bless your heart), you will be a milk cow.  You will either have both children, or a machine perpetually suckling at your teats around the clock. Your husband will vie for some boob time, but seriously... the only thing you'll want to do when he grabs a hold of them is punch him in the face.  Simple say, "Dearest husband, unless you are actively helping with massage to help loosen my milk sacs because they feel like they are about to rupture and all I want to do is scream, RELEASE THE BOOBS!  You are restricted to gazing fondly until such time as I choose to stop this masochistic cycle of feeding and pumping."  And one other tip... place a stack of books next to your chosen milking station. I made it through at least 4 books per week.

#2 -  You know those leashes for children that you used to think were horribly degrading for the child upon which they were fastened? And you would look at the parents with the meanest stink eye you could muster?  Guess what??? You will be buying a couple when your babies start to walk/run and you want to walk through the mall/airport without the gigantic stroller that will never fit in a regular sized car or an airplane.  Yep, embrace the leash because when baby A decides that going left at full speed, while Baby B goes right at full speed, you'll wish you had something to reel them back in, or stop them in their tracks.  They have adorable stuffed animal ones that double as a back pack, so suck it up, and be THAT parent. We can't all have an entourage like Kate +8 or the rest of those reality moms of multiples.  And before you get all soap-boxy I am not talking about leashing your kids at the park.  Hold their hand you say, OH! Yep, I never thought of that. Let me know how well your twin 2 year olds abide the hand-holding when they suddenly see an entire store of DISNEY!

#3 - No matter how hard you try, there will come a time when each of your children throw the "you love _____ more than you love me" craptastic comment at you.  Understand that this is inevitable, and is simply a ploy for additional attention.  Unless you are showing favoritism toward one child.. in which case, you should listen, and rethink some things.  In case you didn't notice yet, I do not sugar coat!!  But hey, you love me right? ;-)  . In all seriousness, I will occasionally split up my twins, and one goes with Daddy for the day on a date, and one goes with me on a date.  That way they both have a moment where they are truly the center of attention, and they don't feel like they need to compete.


#4 - You will be faced with a "Buy 2 or 1" dilemma every single day until they are out of your home.  Buy 2 of the same dolls or 1 to share?  Buy 2 of the same dress, or 1 from 2 different styles?  Buy 2 T-Rexes or 1.  And we have not made it to the car age yet... but again.. they are both going to be driving at the SAME time, so do you buy 2 cars, or 1 that they can learn and share the driving?  Know this... whatever you do is what is right for your family.  DO NOT allow other people to tell you what you should or should not do.  Some kids are great with sharing, while others will start World War III if you say they have to share anything, including the oxygen around them.  Choose your battles, and know your financial limits. that is all I am sayin.

#5 - You will have to make a lot of tough decisions with multiples.  Keep them in the same class room when they start school?  Keep them together until the school splits them up?  Put both of them in the same activity or let them both choose different ones?  Having 2 kids at the same age going through the same things at the same time is a blessing and a curse.  It is NOT the same as having 2 children of differing ages.

Get ready to answer several irritating questions every day.

I will also add that you will have 2 teething at the same time, potentially 2 colic babies at the same time, 2 sick babies at the same time, 2 tantrums to end all tantrums at the same time, feeding baby food to 2 at the same time.  You will amaze yourself at what one or 2 people can accomplish when working as a united front.  I have 3 pieces of advice for you Moms of multiples:
1. Be kind to your spouse... they are your only ally
2. Be kind to your spouse... they are your only ally
3. Be kind to your spouse... they are your only ally



Get it? Got it? Good!

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The Good Things - stuff I want my kids to know

Recently I made a post on my Fitness and Motivation page on Facebook.  It was an article I found on buzzfeed entitled, "32 Pictures The Will Change The Way You See The World".  In one article you see 32 instances of people doing good things, positive things, selfless things... in essence, things that make up the best parts of humans.

Impromptu Christmas for a Homeless man. from above mentioned Buzzfeed Article

I wake up everyday and my first thought is, "Take care of the family, then take care of me".  And after everyone is at school/work I read about 1 chapter of something positive every morning, or listen to an audio every morning that uplifts me.  Because, I know that when I sit down in front of the computer, and scan Facebook I'm going to see a ton of sad stories, tragic news stories, angry posts, and in a nutshell... all of the things that make up the negative side of humans. Why do I scan Facebook?  Well, because a LARGE part of my home businesses are run through social media.  So I have to get on it every day.  Every single day I reach out to people and hope that I can help them in some way.  Be it, a book, or a kind word, or helping them find their fitness, or maybe even gifting them their own business.  And certainly I hear a myriad of feedback... but I never let it stop me from spreading the positive.  Haters gonna hate right?

I shared that article to remind people that there is good in this world.  I shared it to remind people that being a good person is as easy as saying hello, shaking a hand, taking time to help a stranger, looking out for your fellow man, because it is RARE, and it damn well shouldn't be.  We should be celebrating the good.  We should be "Sharing" the status' that call to action for something positive.  We should be sharing double rainbows, and soldier homecomings, and children's attempts to make us smile.  I'm going to ask a favor.  If you are a parent, like me, I want you to take a moment and make a post on your page about something good in this world.  Take a break from all the political bashing, the gun law stuff, the MEMEs that make fun of others, and post something positive.  Post a link to your Facebook or Twitter post in the comments below.  And everyone that reads this... follow those links and click LIKE/SHARE and bring some more love to the world of Social Media.

Our kids deserve a better example.  They are innately good, and innocent. They see the good in everything, and accept everyone.  We teach them to hate. We teach them to call to notice differences in skin/sexuality/faith.  If people would stop preaching their own agendas for 5 seconds to the children of this world... there would be a hell of a lot more acceptance and peace.  Let's set a good example. Let's share love.  Will you accept this challenge? And add the hashtag #ForOurFuture in your posts.